Newspaper

#### GearCity News

###### Your #1 News Source Since the Start.

Previous Edition | June 1964 Edition | 15¢

## Guerrilla Conflict in Colombia

Violent rural communist factions in Colombia have joined to create a communist liberation organization called FARC. They have begun operations against several small communities in the Marquetalia area. Another communist revolutionary group stemming from the university system, ELN, have been formed and begun insurgent operations in the country as well. While these groups can boast fighters in the thousands, their dreams of a communist revolution are unlikely as they are unable to hold territory for long against the American-backed Colombian Army. Instead, these groups are a threat only to rural Colombians and major business owners who operate in the country.

## Acanadian Builds New Factory

Acanadian has built a new 15 line factory in Chicago. Acanadian hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## Winner Motors Builds New Factory

Winner Motors has built a new 15 line factory in Cologne. Winner Motors hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## Day Hot Builds New Factory

Day Hot has built a new 14 line factory in Marseille. Day Hot hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## Filbore Builds New Factory

Filbore has built a new 3 line factory in Stuttgart. Filbore hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## Zesty Builds New Factory

Zesty has built a new 14 line factory in London. Zesty hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## Gilbert Builds New Factory

Gilbert has built a new 14 line factory in Rennes. Gilbert hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## GCT Builds New Factory

GCT has built a new 15 line factory in Bordeaux. GCT hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## Heelwoman Builds New Factory

Heelwoman has built a new 14 line factory in Lyon. Heelwoman hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## Allnight n Potatoes Wins Project 2015 Contract!

Allnight n Potatoes has won a $2,893,142 contract to supply project Project 2015.

## Philadelphia-Brull Wins 8577 Contract!

Philadelphia-Brull has won a $2,655,899 Engine contract to supply project 8577.

## Aristocrat Wins Palermo Commercial Fleet Contract!

Aristocrat has won a $1,607,057 contract to supply project Palermo Commercial Fleet.

Dealership Mechanics
"How do you adjust your carburetor, Boss?"
"I'll show you. You see that nut?"
"Yes."
"I carefully turn that. You see that screw?"
"Yes."
"I gently loosen that."
"Yes."
"You see that ring?"
"I slowly tighten that."
"Yes, but what do the nut and the screw and the ring control? What do they mean?"
"I don't know."
"Then how can you get a good adjustment?"
"You didn't let me finish. After going through the manipulations already cited, I turn the crank."
"Then what happens?"
"Nothing."
"Well, what is the next move?"
"I walk carefully into the telephone room, gently take down the receiver and pleasantly summon aid from the factory-"

Engine, Boiler, and Sawmill
1horse power Engine, 30-horse power boiler, and 50-inch Saw. Liddell Co., Engine and Boiler. The outfit originally cost an arm and a leg, in good condition. Offer wanted.

GEO. T. SCHORB PHOTOGRAPHER.
Come to see me for satisfactory Photographs at reasonable prices. See me about high-grade musical instruments as well. My instruments have been fully tested in this vicinity for the past fifteen years. And they have met every requirement of the most competent musicians. See me about the Photos and Instruments.

GEO. T. SCHORB. THE CITY MARKET
NICE Beef and Fork In all cuts, and pure and mixed Sausage. We want to buy good, fat Beef Cattle, Hogs and Eggs. We sell Cabbage for your wonderful stew.

### Representative SEES FLAWS IN TAX EXEMPTIOND

#### Measure to Facilitate Building Was Faultily Drawn, Says Representative.

According to the Representative, the new law permitting the tax exemptions, and even subsidies, for factory construction is flawed. In his opinion and the majority of the Gear City board members, the money could better spend on social issues. These issues would surely get him more votes come the next election. Business leaders have pushed back, saying no factories, no jobs, no jobs, no tax revenues. No tax revenues, no social spending. And cuts in social spending always result in fewer votes for the cutter.

### Gear City Man Hurt In Slight Accident

A Gear City man was injured last Thursday evening in an automobile manufacturing game accident. The police made no further comments on the incident, citing privacy concerns. Our reporters saw computer parts strewn across the street.

Engine, Boiler, and Sawmill
1horse power Engine, 30-horse power boiler, and 50-inch Saw. Liddell Co., Engine and Boiler. The outfit originally cost an arm and a leg, in good condition. Offer wanted.

GEO. T. SCHORB PHOTOGRAPHER.
Come to see me for satisfactory Photographs at reasonable prices. See me about high-grade musical instruments as well. My instruments have been fully tested in this vicinity for the past fifteen years. And they have met every requirement of the most competent musicians. See me about the Photos and Instruments.

GEO. T. SCHORB. THE CITY MARKET
NICE Beef and Fork In all cuts, and pure and mixed Sausage. We want to buy good, fat Beef Cattle, Hogs and Eggs. We sell Cabbage for your wonderful stew.

### Contreras Reported Parted Until Divorce Becomes Final

Michael Melendez, known professionally as Stephanie Warner, was married last Saturday to Justin Contreras, a film actor. Last night, she boarded a train for Gear City, according to reports. Several persons accompanied her to the railroad station. In the group, according to reporters, was Contreras, who bade her an affectionate farewell. But really, who the hell cares about celebrity happenings?

### Storm In Gear City Suburbs

Rock Hill was visited yesterday afternoon by a terrible electric and rainstorm, the lightning doing considerable damage to electric and telephone wires and striking several houses. On Saluda street, it hit the house of Mr. L. D.Wilkerson, doing some damage there. It also caught the home of Mr. Clark Starneson on East Moore Street. It is said to have hit the house in six different places. On Oakland avenue, the storm struck electric wires, tearing them loose from a house, and leaving the city in darkness for the night. West of the Gear City, the storm struck a barn, killing a mule, a hog, and setting fire to the barn, and burning it and its contents to the ground.

### Local Teachers In Conference

Nearly fifty Gear Countians will take active parts in the program during the 33rd annual 'We Don't Need No Education' conference. The conference will be held next week under the auspices of the University of Bad Ideas.

### Classified Advertisement Is Important!

Help spark new life into your business with newspaper classified ads! For just a small percentage of your advertising budget, we put your product in front of the eyes of our massive reader base, including many influential people, such as CEOs of companies. Buy an ad here today! Call us!

### Guest Speaker At Women's Club

Miss Clare Seyon, social secretary of the VENT School for Training Teachers of Subnormal Children, spoke at a meeting of the GearCity Women's Community Club on Tuesday.

### Storm In Gear City Suburbs

Rock Hill was visited yesterday afternoon by a terrible electric and rainstorm, the lightning doing considerable damage to electric and telephone wires and striking several houses. On Saluda street, it hit the house of Mr. L. D.Wilkerson, doing some damage there. It also caught the home of Mr. Clark Starneson on East Moore Street. It is said to have hit the house in six different places. On Oakland avenue, the storm struck electric wires, tearing them loose from a house, and leaving the city in darkness for the night. West of the Gear City, the storm struck a barn, killing a mule, a hog, and setting fire to the barn, and burning it and its contents to the ground.

### Stock Prices

Global Fuel Rate: 0.85
Philadelphia-Brull -- $124.47
NAD -- $76.91
Farm Hand -- $70.19
Floggol -- $87.42
Purr -- $78.93
Curetellos -- $99.67
Hursov -- $50.65
Blizsea -- $58.83
FLN -- $79.11
GCT -- $87.41
Shuvah -- $58.65
Heyho -- $63.57
ANC -- $23.13
Soaring -- $88.68
Systian -- $37.99

## Catty Builds New Factory

Catty has built a new 3 line factory in London. Catty hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## Systian Builds New Factory

Systian has built a new 15 line factory in Zürich. Systian hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## Floggol Builds New Factory

Floggol has built a new 15 line factory in Paris. Floggol hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## FLN Builds New Factory

FLN has built a new 28 line factory in Munich. FLN hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## Gutter Builds New Factory

Gutter has built a new 3 line factory in Stuttgart. Gutter hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## Generic Cars Builds New Factory

Generic Cars has built a new 15 line factory in Rennes. Generic Cars hopes with this new facility, they can increase local production and maximize sales and profits in the region.

## Merger!

Cillo has agreed to be purchased by Windowsports Engines for $73094524. Windowsports Engines believes that this merger will provide their customers with an even better assortment of products and services. They will continue to work with customers and dealerships to make sure the transaction goes smoothly.

## Belt Wins Project Matchless Contract!

Belt has won a $1,958,087 contract to supply project Project Matchless.

## Philadelphia-Brull Wins Battle Cry Contract!

Philadelphia-Brull has won a $1,180,799 Engine contract to supply project Battle Cry.

## Power Motors Wins Memphis Business Fleet Contract!

Power Motors has won a $307,279 contract to supply project Memphis Business Fleet.